Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
