And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
