I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
