let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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