Who wears a wallet chain?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
