So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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