My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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