i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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