Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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