I want to make a zoo with you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
