Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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