I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
