when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
