he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
