i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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