Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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