What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
