Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
