I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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