apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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