Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
