I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
