I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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