So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
