I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
