How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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