When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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