I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
