My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how does that bad decision feel?
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