its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
