I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
