Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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