What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
