Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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