One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
