i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
