why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
