Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
