Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best revenge is premature balding
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
