It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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