I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize