did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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