I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
