You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
