he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
