Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
