I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
