smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And then he peed in my hair
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize