You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
