if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
