Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
