oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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