You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please don't give away my fajitas
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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