he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
