Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
