What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
