I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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