If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i came on her dog
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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