yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just threw up on my dentist
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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