Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
