my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
