Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
