taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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