so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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