ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
