im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
