Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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