i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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